Building capacity for stress is a skill that supports all of our relationships—and helps us cope more effectively with our daily challenges and our greater emotional landscape. This type of work is especially important in the context of attachment theory, relationships, and attachment styles: we can ALL use skills that support us in engaging in relationships with a greater capacity for discomfort.
Read MoreLet’s talk about concrete, practical skills that can support you in having healthier, more fulfilling, and reciprocal relationships this year.
In a world that seems to be consistently generating new injustices, fears, and concerns about the safety of people we love, I want us to feel a sense of agency in how we show up in our relationships.
Read MoreRelationships, attachment styles, boundaries, and the hard-won lessons I've learned over the course of my relational life--that's what we're chatting about in Episode 2 of Becoming Relational with Elizabeth Gillette, LCSW.
Read MoreWelcome to the very first episode of Becoming Relational! I'm Elizabeth Gillette, LCSW and I'm so grateful you're here with me. In this episode, I discuss my passion for relationships, my own path to becoming an attachment specialist, and why I believe compassionate, nuanced connection is so vital in our world today.
Read MoreFirst, I want to name how important it is to recognize how triggering it can feel to be part of an anxious-avoidant relationship dynamic. This is one of the most common relationship pairings, and as an attachment specialist and couples therapist, I have seen this one time and again. It’s painful for both partners and connects us back to the most wounded versions of ourselves.
Read MoreI have come to love December so much. I actually enjoy the shorter days and the very good excuse to cozy up at home. Candles, fires, hot tea. I love the lights in the dark. I have come to trust that this part of the year is important and that the longer warmer days will return. We can’t be sunny and blooming all the time. This time of year can serve as a respite from the constant busy-ness of our culture and give us the opportunity to return to a place of rest and regulation if we let it.
Read MoreMy oldest son (who is almost 6 now, for those of you who have been with me a long time!) had a Halloween parade at school. Naturally, he dressed as Leonardo from the Ninja Turtles (and the rest of us were his turtle entourage on Halloween night). The night before the parade, he asked me, “Mom, what if someone else is dressed as a ninja turtle in the parade? Will you know it’s me?”
Read MoreIt begins in small ways: making a different choice than we would otherwise because we think it will make us appear better or cooler or more interesting to someone else. Shifting how we relate to something that has been important to us because another person doesn’t see the same value in it. Minimizing our needs because they are inconvenient to someone else, and if we inconvenience that person, they might just go away.
Read MoreWhat we are doing right now matters. Who we connect with, how we show up, the values that we choose to live—it matters so very much. The space we are creating in the Relational Nourishment Project to practice with one another and to get clear about what it is that we want to be different is so special. When we have each other, its more than enough. This project is truly a culmination of all that I’ve learned in my life about relationships, taking care of each other, being responsible to ourselves and our communities, and knowing ourselves deeply.
Read MoreI’ve learned in my fifteen years as a therapist that many people did not receive adequate relational nourishment. This happens for many reasons—structural and systemic, trauma and neglect. Sometimes we don’t even know that we didn’t receive this type of nourishment because we don’t have any other perspective or experience; it’s just the reality. But what I’ve also learned is that relational nourishment can be cultivated at any point in our lives if we know what to look for and how to do it.
Read MoreIn my teary reflections this week, their transition has been making me wonder: what am I doing here? What is my legacy? How do I want to show up and how can I love my life and this world even more? What is truly meaningful to me, and am I living in alignment with those values? What distracts me from what matters? What do I want to share and how do I want to offer the kind of healing that changes lives and hearts and creates safety and connection? I believe Andrea would say (more eloquently than I can) that each of us can do this in our own unique way, and that every offering is meaningful and powerful and needed.
Read MoreFolks with insecure attachment styles have a skill in common that serves them in many capacities. It’s one that can show up in every type of relationship and tricks us into feeling like we are safe—by blending in, by being passive, by not drawing too much attention to ourselves. And it’s a behavior pattern that comes back to bite us SO HARD that once we stop doing it, life can change pretty dramatically and it can take some time to get ourselves back on track and feeling connected again.
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